Assertività

Definition

• Assertiveness: quality of being assertive
• Assertive: [from Lat. assĕrtus, past participle of assĕrere] 1 literary. One who asserts, who affirms 2
Refers to someone who is able to assert their own opinions and rights while respecting those
of others

So, what is assertiveness?
Assertive behavior consists in asserting one's point of view while maintaining
cordial relationships with the interlocutor
Assertiveness means living our relationships with others serenely, with the balance of someone who neither
submits nor attacks; upholding one's own integrity and dignity and at the same time encouraging
and accepting this behavior in others.
Being assertive is a lifestyle that allows you to communicate effectively and competently
controlling anxiety in private interpersonal situations, expressing your own rights without denying
those of others and maintaining a positive mental attitude towards yourself and towards others.
The assertive person also has the right to CHOOSE, based on the situation, both internal and
external to themselves, to display assertive, aggressive, or passive behaviors, in order to achieve
their own goals.

The different communication styles:
We can identify four macro communication patterns and, schematically, summarize them as follows.

• Passive: pays attention only to others. Is subject to manipulation, conditioned and
influenced by others. Submits without opposing. Tries to please others and avoid
conflict at all costs. As a consequence, has high social anxiety.
• Aggressive: has unpredictable and explosive responses, disproportionate to the stimulus.
Acts in a way aimed at satisfying their own goals without considering the needs and rights of others, overriding them. Uses any means, even
coercive and destructive, to gain power.
• Manipulative (passive-aggressive): behaves in a way aimed at steering
others' behavior by leveraging guilt and duty.
• Assertive: pays attention to themselves and to others. Is not conditioned by others. Uses motivating
and rewarding methods.
No individual has a “pure” style as those above, just as no one is exempt from being able to
display any of those behaviors. However, each of us has a predominant style.

The ten assertive rights
1. Only you have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take responsibility by accepting the consequences.
2. You have the right not to justify your behavior by giving reasons or excuses.
3. You have the right to decide whether to take care of other people's problems, whether to be responsible
for others.
4. You have the right to change your mind or opinion and to change your way of thinking.
5. You have the right to make mistakes, taking responsibility for any negative consequences.
6. You have the right not to be swayed by the kindness others show when they ask you for something.
7. You have the right to be illogical in your choices.
8. You have the right to say: “I don't know,” when asked for an expertise you do not have.
9. You have the right to say: “I don't understand,” to those who do not speak clearly and to those who do not
clearly tell you what they expect from you.
10. You have the right to say: “I don't care,” when others want to involve you in
their initiatives.

There are 5 basic principles
• I have the right to do anything, as long as I do not harm anyone else.
• I have the right to maintain my dignity by acting assertively, even if this upsets
someone else, when the motive is assertive and not aggressive.
• I always have the right to make requests of another person, as long as I recognize
in the other the identical right to refuse.
• I must recognize that there are cases, in interpersonal situations, where
rights are not clear. I always have the right to discuss the problem with the person
concerned and to reach a clarification.
• I have the right to exercise my rights.

Let us remember that:
“If you do not respect yourself, your own needs, your own feelings, your own beliefs, you cannot
really communicate with others.
Respecting your own rights means respecting those of others” (R. Anchisi, M. Gambetto Dessy, Not
just communicating, 1995).

In conclusion
Assertive rights can be traced back to the right to be the final judges of ourselves and our behaviors.